Captain Hook feels badly.

Do I dare admit that I learned how not to use adverbs last night?

No big deal. I only have a Bachelor's degree in English from a fancy (and expensive) liberal arts school. They don't teach sentence diagraming at Middlebury, it turns out.

I was watching The Bachelorette (I know) eating pizza (second night in a row?) and chatting with my friend, Leslie. (If you hadn't guessed yet, this post is not about how beautiful, interesting or attuned my big city life is.) It became clear that I was having trouble correctly attaching and detaching the "ly" from the ends of my sentences.

She imparted to me this piece of Captain Hook wisdom first taught to her by the incomparable Dr. Elizabeth Ballard of Norman High School.

And, finally, for the first time in 26 years, it all made sense. Because, yes, we all know that Captain Hook is really bad at feeling.

Thanks, Doc. I can't thank you enough.