Little White

prospectives

2011-10-03T11:43:00.004-04:00

Making friends is hard. And it's gotten harder as I've gotten older. I don't think it's just me. But maybe it is. Every once in a while I forget how hard it is. And then, as happened recently, the majority of my people up and leave and go somewhere grander to live lives that are more rad than the ones they were living before. And so I try a little bit to make friends again.

I am more capable of seeing myself through the eyes of those around me than I used to be and so before I'm able to actually charm, amuse or ingratiate somebody into thinking of me as a prospective friend, something happens. I get in my own way. I am so utterly aware of annoying or not fitting in with those around me, that I shut down. I transition to my go-to quiet persona, with hard eyes, a cold exterior. Which, unfortunately, in the last 5-6 years has come to be the way I look and act most of the time. Even if it isn't how I feel.

And then the problem escalates. I look angered, mean, judging (I have chronic bitchface, you know) and so possible friends come to think I am hard to get along with, attacking. At lunch, I lift the shut-own briefly to join a discussion of the soup. A harmlessly directed explanation of the word "chowder" to my lunch companions reads to them as a dressing down, and I can all but see the wall go up between us.

rainy day toe self-portrait

So this is to state for the record. I am not actually a cold human being. My heart and head are full of warmth and love and dreams and excitement - about people and about art. About philosophy and about media. About the human condition (IknowIknow) So, I probably don't think I'm cooler or funnier or smarter than you (I mean I might, but if I want to be your friend I likely think you have me at least tied on one or more of those fronts.). So if I seem cold and reserved, quiet and angry, I am probably feeling insecure, isolated. I probably fear what will come out of my mouth when I open it (feelings, passion, the truth about my boring little life). So I keep it shut.

But that doesn't mean I don't want or need people around me. So I'm going to keep working on the bitchface and on letting in a little warmth. And hopefully it will work out.

This post has been brought to you by my livejournal from 2001*.

new gig art

2011-09-03T09:42:00.004-04:00

I just ordered this gig poster from Etsy seller wnybac.

I am excited to hang it over my brand new (via craigslist) desk and to listen to cool music while looking at my cool poster and editing my photos.

Love the CMYK styling.

Can I have this on a t-shirt, please?

2011-08-22T10:30:00.003-04:00

From artist, Kris Atomic :
Just doing my bit to spread awareness for this common, but little understood condition. Thousands around the world are affected by chronic bitchface, with sufferers having to endure being told to “SMILE” and “cheer up” by well meaning, but irritating strangers. There is no known cure.

This is my life.
via Design Crush

I'll lose my mind

2011-08-21T23:26:00.000-04:00

i like june a lot.

2011-06-12T17:25:00.004-04:00

I am going to go ahead and call this song what it is, a personal birthday gift from Colin Meloy, (the only present I need in 2011) and be done with it.

anglophilia reaching new highs.

2011-04-28T09:44:00.001-04:00

I woke with a hankerin' for Sister Mary Clarence.

2011-04-15T08:10:00.002-04:00

I will never stop loving this movie.

did i sleep through 2009?

2011-04-12T13:01:00.001-04:00

this is a thing i need.

2011-04-05T22:58:00.003-04:00

oh, hell yes.

2011-03-25T23:23:00.002-04:00

found, on vinyl.

2011-03-22T12:27:00.003-04:00

for under $2.
these are the moments that make me feel i was raised well.
thanks, mom.

wye oak tonight

2011-03-11T17:22:00.000-05:00

Wye Oak performs Holy Holy at The Rock Shop, Brooklyn from BlearyEyedBrooklyn.com on Vimeo.

"it" girls

2011-02-23T09:33:00.003-05:00

Lena Dunham "interviewed" Greta Gerwig for Paper Magazine.

I usually have a lot of problems with the whole "it girl" culture, especially the way it coincides with hipster culture. And for the most part I have not jumped on the whole Greta Gerwig train, other than to admire how brutally honest she is on screen. I find it telling that she doesn't think of herself as an actress. Because I don't think I do either, really. What she does in film feels like something other than acting. I would not call her a "good actress." She is, however, fascinating and lovely to watch.

This is worth reading, insightful about the way female artists of my generation think. I especially enjoy when Gerwig calls bullshit on herself.

And if we don't have even this, then what else is there?

2011-02-14T15:27:00.002-05:00

Stanley Chow

despite the cynical shell, i've always loved a good valentine.

2011-02-14T15:19:00.002-05:00

via jenny

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T10:57:00.001-05:00

When I have a husband...

2011-02-08T17:28:00.004-05:00

He will be the kind of man who appreciates this when I gave it to him as a wedding gift.

things could always be worse.

2011-01-25T12:48:00.001-05:00

So you ain't English then?

2010-12-12T20:46:00.002-05:00

tiny desk

2010-12-10T07:55:00.002-05:00

Fanfarlo did this last Christmas.
I've been waiting a year for it to be seasonally appropriate.

I love the cover at the end.

hunker hunker

2010-11-09T23:16:00.002-05:00

(via loosetiger) (via christopher-walken)

Thanks, Batman.

local natives tonight

2010-10-28T16:23:00.000-04:00

allergic.

2010-10-26T15:33:00.001-04:00

time traveling man in drag

2010-10-25T10:44:00.003-04:00

Via How to be a Retronaut

“This short film is about a piece of footage I (George Clarke) found behind the scenes in Charlie Chaplin’s film “The Circus”. Attending the premiere at Mann’s Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, CA – the scene shows a large woman dressed in black with a hat hiding most of her face, with what can only be described as a mobile phone device – talking as she walks alone.

I have studied this film for over a year now – showing it to over 100 people and at a film festival, yet no-one can give any explanation as to what she is doing.

My only theory – as well as many others – is simple… a time traveler on a mobile phone. See for yourself and feel free to leave a comment on your own explanation or thoughts about it.

George – 20th October 2010″

this week

2010-10-22T16:25:00.008-04:00

Oh, man. Jellyfish pot pie. Via Boing Boing.

Madewell calls this a poncho, but I'd rather think of it as a cape.

This is so strange. Via LOOSE TIGER.

Camper TWS Though it is far more likely I will get these practical beauties.

first year show soundtrack

2010-10-06T11:53:00.003-04:00

Jónsi - Go Do from Jónsi on Vimeo.

magic

2010-09-18T17:08:00.003-04:00

Somehow I am lucky enough that the powers that be are letting me spend a month of my life hanging out in Vermont, doing theatre with college freshmen.

To me, this is heaven. I lie in the striped blue sheets of the furnished apartment they put me in and look out the triangle window at trees beginning to go orange, a church steeple and, behind them, the mountains.

Also, the theatre with 18 year olds part is pretty perfect. One of the guys in the show told me at the first rehearsal that this is his first play. Ever. Which I somehow overlooked when casting the show but happen to think is totally awesome. Because I get to teach him really exciting things! Like what it means to cross downstage. And today I told him about staying open to the audience. It's little stuff you take for granted, but he's smart so he gets it right away.

But later in rehearsal today, something happened. I gave him a note about the gentleness of a line, of a moment. A small but important note which I expected to have to reiterate a couple of times and go back over in subsequent rehearsals. Because this kid is so green, right? He's new to this and to this vocabulary and his ability to understand and then control the trajectory of a scene is probably very limited.

But the dude did it. Immediately. He took the note. He totally changed on that line, opened himself up in the scene and connected with the actress opposite him in a way which I have yet to see him (or anyone here) do in rehearsal. And then he took it a step further and let that change motivate him to make a choice, to surprise her by extending his hand to her.

It sounds so small. And it was. But it was beautiful because of the firstness of it. For him. And because I know he really felt the magic that people who do theatre get to feel sometimes. He felt that for the VERY FIRST TIME. And it was just incredible to watch.

Maybe I got a little choked up.

all geriatrician offices should have pianos

2010-08-30T14:02:00.000-04:00

gospel

2010-08-30T09:32:00.002-04:00

via Design Crush
via ffffound

Can't I go back, please?

2010-08-26T09:56:00.006-04:00

city living

2010-08-19T10:17:00.006-04:00

A 30 something year old black woman in a fabulous camel coat, brown heels and straw hat (who was probably on a lot of drugs) to a very attractive black professional man in stripes trying to read his newspaper just after rush hour on the metro:

"What's the difference between a pig and a lamb?"

He ignored her. She asked again, "Are they the same thing?"
He realized it wasn't a come-on or the beginning of a dirty joke and tried to answer her question.

The train started again and the noise of the rails drowned out their conversation. After she got off the train, though, that man grinned to himself through the next three stops.

It kind of made my day, too.

'round town

2010-08-11T22:41:00.009-04:00

listen

2010-08-11T15:22:00.003-04:00

I'm Sorry

2010-08-06T09:28:00.004-04:00

My old cubicle buddy and friend, Maria, turned me onto this. She knows how deeply runs the love I have for Andrew Bird. She has watched me at my desk, gripping my headphones, complex emotions taking over.

But this, this is really strange. And kind of creepy. And also beautiful.

Margaret Cho talks about writing the song here, on her blog. When she googled the name of the man for whom she harbored feelings, Wikipedia told her that he'd been convicted of murdering his wife and stuffing her body in the wall of their home.

So she wrote this song.

volume

2010-08-05T11:59:00.012-04:00

I have spent most of my life alternately dreading and hoping against hope that my hair can reach these volumes of unbridled magnificence. It's what drives my ability to go six, seven, eight months between haircuts.

Today I must, once again, dash all hope.

pretense

2010-07-22T11:01:00.006-04:00

Ignore for a minute the fact that the trailer seems to GIVE AWAY THE MOVIE (unless it's a red herring...) -- I am excited about it. I loved Gone Baby Gone, I think Ben Affleck finally found his calling, and I am happy for him.

My favorite part is where they don't mention that he directed it. Like he (or the studio, or someone) is keenly aware of how little street cred he has these days as an artist. It makes me like him more and reminds me of this AV Club interview with Mindy Kaling where she talks about his shitty yet unpretentious taste in music.

I also like this (totally pretensious) song a lot.

sail

2010-07-21T13:55:00.012-04:00

Because she loves me, and she reads my blog, wherein I expressed my summer desperation to be on a sailboat (and in the presence of the ever-sexy knots) my dear friend Molly took me on her sailboat this weekend!

Well, it isn't her sailboat, per se. But it belongs to her museum. Of which, I like to imagine, she is the queen of the art. The boat art.

It was fairly amazing. We sailed around Manhattan. Or a couple of sides of it, at least. In the EastHudsonPotomacMississipi River. Thing. (Okay, you got me, I am not really sure. I am very bad at NYC geography, even though I'm an expert at putting on my angry city face and appearing to be a local.)

Molly and I didn't bring any wine on board, though other people did, and next time --there will be a next time!-- we surely will. The wind was strong and the boat was a bit rocky, which was a teensy rough for my precious little tum tum, but my wooziness subsided eventually. Thanks, every once in a while, to a gorgeously cool spray from ther river (I choose not to think about the cleanliness of the water with which we were being sprayed, and chose instead to believe that it was pure ocean cerulean.)

The boat is manned by volunteers and I was especially intrigued by the the two youngest people, who spent a good amount of time chatting at the front of the boat, directly in front of where Molly and I seated ourselves. He was thin and blonde, not quite a full-fledged man, but capable in his sailing duties (that's him, silhouetted, above). She had curly pigtailed braids, glasses, and wore demin shorts with small embroidered flowers on them. (Of course, I took a picture of those, too, but I draw the line at posting pictures of girls bums.) She was one of those chicks who posesses a confidence level beyond her outward appearance -- a quality I greatly envy, as I can never shake off my own belief of how strangely different I am from most other people in order to come up with a way to engage. There really was an energy of connection between the two of them standing there in the sunset. Though, he eventually left her alone at the front of the boat, suddenly aware, it seemed of her glasses and tiny embroidered flowers.

Captain Hook feels badly.

2010-07-13T11:57:00.004-04:00

Do I dare admit that I learned how not to use adverbs last night?

No big deal. I only have a Bachelor's degree in English from a fancy (and expensive) liberal arts school. They don't teach sentence diagraming at Middlebury, it turns out.

I was watching The Bachelorette (I know) eating pizza (second night in a row?) and chatting with my friend, Leslie. (If you hadn't guessed yet, this post is not about how beautiful, interesting or attuned my big city life is.) It became clear that I was having trouble correctly attaching and detaching the "ly" from the ends of my sentences.

She imparted to me this piece of Captain Hook wisdom first taught to her by the incomparable Dr. Elizabeth Ballard of Norman High School.

And, finally, for the first time in 26 years, it all made sense. Because, yes, we all know that Captain Hook is really bad at feeling.

Thanks, Doc. I can't thank you enough.

plans (an incomplete list)

2010-07-05T23:17:00.005-04:00

During a dinner party for my birthday last month I was encouraged to share my goals, dreams, hopes for my 27th year. In retrospect I realized that I took the question far too literally. And far too seriously. I talked mostly about achievement and accomplishing. (Probably because that's where I feel the most defective.)

I would rather have focused on the small things. Small, daily, achievable goals.

This year I want to:

Remember to smile.
Dance more.
Buy second-hand.
Pumice, exfoliate and moisturize.
Initiate!
Mend the holes in my clothing the moment they appear.
Try more mixed drinks.
Read. A lot, lot more.
Remember to stretch.
Give a guy my phone number.
Direct some (a lot of) theatre.
Become a photographer.
Write.
Visit museums.
Learn more about Oklahoma.
Go on a blind date.
Talk.
Ride a bicycle.
Upholster, tile or re-finish something.

This is the cake I ate on my birthday when I was too serious.

As Promised, Hot Ginger Ladies, Part 2

2010-06-28T23:02:00.006-04:00

I don't remember a time in the past decade when I wasn't head over heels fascinated by Julianne Moore.

Watching her on screen, I find myself excited and passionate about being a woman. There is something inspiring in her strength, femininity and intelligence.

Also, she's 49 years old!
Which is unbelievable. No 49 year old should be this hot.

She told the NYTimes Magazine something about her hair recently. This thing I keep thinking about:
"I’ve been wigged plenty of times, but the funny thing is that even when I have a different hair color, people tend to still remember me as having red hair."

a pastime

2010-06-26T00:41:00.008-04:00

Sadly there was no sign of Strassburg.

But I liked the colors.

mom-safe mix

2010-06-22T13:29:00.004-04:00

After I explained to her what the "Indie" preceding Rock, Folk, Pop and Film meant, my mother nosed around for her very own mix tape.

When I asked her what kind of music she would like me to include she exclaimed, "Indie Rock!", "happy!" and "not too far out."

The result is mostly folk and pop with a rock-y tinge. Turns out most of the really good music I own would not be considred "happy" by mom standards.

It's in the mail, Mom.
And here's the track list. So you all can judge me. And so when my mom inevitably loses the one I put in the package, she can find it here.

Bleeding Heart Show – The New Pornographers
The Gardener – The Tallest Man on Earth
World News – Local Natives
July, July! – The Decemberists
Silver Lining – Rilo Kiley
Australia – The Shins
Lisztomania – Phoenix
My Rights Versus Yours – The New Pornographers
Big Bird in a Small Cage – Patrick Watson
The Mystic – The Swell Season
Little Lion Man – Mumford and Sons
(You Don’t Know) How Glad I Am – The Living Sisters
Crash Years – The New Pornographers
Just What I Needed – The Cars
Taj Mahal – Sam Roberts
The Next Messiah – Jenny Lewis

**I know I'm breaking mix tape rules with The New Pornographers. I just couldn't help it.**

comedienne

2010-06-18T16:37:00.004-04:00

I just registered for an improv class.

What, oh, WHAT is the world coming to?

Soon, I will no doubt look like this. It is inevitable.

it can't swim, apparently

2010-06-14T15:36:00.005-04:00

I bought this absurdly obsolete thing for $1 on Saturday morning.

A small, English woman, directly out of an Agatha Christie novel, had set up tables across from the farmer's market. She had an assortment of vintage shoes, nighties, hankies, magazines.

I couldn't resist.
A bit of research has revealed that this particular machine -- the Polaroid Land Camera 104 isn't especially rare, nor does it take particularly great photos. Plastic lens, plastic body. Apparently four or five models of the land cameras were made with glass lenses and metal bodies. And those, my friends, are the ones you want to get your hands on. So keep an eye out!

Despite the ridiculousness of the thing-- the sheer size and the silly nostalgia throwback of it all -- I look forward to getting my hands on some instant film. Though at $12 for 10 frames, I may have to save it for hipster weddings and rooftop parties in the Village.

sorkin blogged!

2010-06-13T23:00:00.005-04:00

It is a fact that I believe Aaron Sorkin to be possibly the most genius writer alive.

And apparently he felt compelled to chime in recently on the whole 'Ramin Sedoteh/Newsweek/Sean Hayes is gay and Kristen Chenoweth is pissed' issue.
His decision to blog about this (for the Huffington Post, no less) fascinates me, especially considering his past with one of the main players.

What is important here is not that I wholeheartedly agree with much of what he has to say. No, the important thing is that Aaron Sorkin is saying things to us again, people! He is feeding us his words and ideas. And I for one am going to take notice. I truly believe the world would be a better place if Mr. Sorkin took up blogging permanently. I would google reader that shit before you could say Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.

Oh, how I miss you West Wing seasons 1-4. Facebook movie, you better be awesome.

26

2010-06-11T11:24:00.005-04:00

It is almost the weekend! Which means food, drink and much birthday celebrating.

I am overjoyed to spend it with a fantastic group of people living in Washington, DC right now. As our urges to flee this sometimes suffocating city surface, people leave and things change, I am taking the time to be thankful for the precious things.

Thank you, precious people.

World News

2010-06-03T09:53:00.003-04:00

You should start listening to Local Natives' debut album, Gorilla Manor, if you aren't already. I'm serious. Do it. Do it now.

The harmonies are subtle but complex, and absolutely integral to the sound of the album. I want to live in them. It was released at the very end of 2009 but has really become my favorite of 2010 and is a fantastic sound to swim around in at the beginning of the summer. Listen to it on your morning commute. Preferably on some big ass lime green headphones.

Also, is it just me or is that Bull from Night Court wearing a toupee?

pretty pretty prisoners

2010-06-02T16:30:00.004-04:00

The Cleveland County jail in Oklahoma has recently updated the required uniform for inmates.

Yes, seriously.
Here's an article about it via my new Okie neighbor, Leslie.

Christopher Walken has ticklish knees

2010-05-26T11:36:00.004-04:00

I could watch Zoe Kazan do an impression of Christopher Walken being tickled for hours.

Zoe, let's go shopping, talk about Nabokov and have a falafel double date with your boyfriend, Paul Dano.

a different kind of queen

2010-05-21T09:28:00.005-04:00

There was a charming old hispanic man who was flirting with all the cahsiers at my neighborhood grocer - they called him viejito and giggled.

He held the door as I left with my groceries and gave me a wink, calling me "Queen of Queens" in Spanish. I, too, giggled. He was surprisingly charming. Until, wonderingly, I googled "Reina de Reinas."

Oh boy.

Things I Learned at a Texas Wedding

2010-05-17T12:17:00.010-04:00

You can wear sunglasses that are equally effective at keeping out bees.

There is apparently a very real concern in Texas about flooding on the Dallas interstates. The signage continually commands you not to drown.

Sparklers at weddings are both awesome and terrifying.

It is possible (and this one is quite a surprise) to drive for half an hour in Ft. Worth and not see one bar or coffee shop!

But Ozona's in Dallas will make you giant mimosas and delicious juevos rancheros to share with wonderful friends. You might have to sit on a menu to keep your pants dry on the patio, but it will be totally worth it.

Also, here is a picture of my sister's hamster, Edward.

I am not a cat lady. I swear.

2010-05-10T10:44:00.001-04:00

But this is the creepiest, most amazing commercial ever. It also happens to involve cats.

feminism

2010-05-05T09:39:00.008-04:00

After 18 years of college and grad school, raising two girls (at least one of whom turned out normal) practically on her own , more than 10 years of teaching history to some really stupid college freshmen, running a household that included caring for her ailing mother (for 9 years) my mom is defending her dissertation today -- as I write this, in fact.

It is about the history of the Equal Rights Amendment in Oklahoma. And word on the street is it's a pretty great little book.
I can't wait to read it.
If all goes accordingly, as I'm sure it will, she will finally be a real live professor on Friday, May 14th. And I will be lucky enough to witness it.

Even if all does not go according to plan, she's still tops in my book.
These awesome little suffrage fliers, original to the era, make me think of her.

Feminism has never been a dirty word in my family.

aging

2010-05-04T13:42:00.008-04:00

I just found my first GREY HAIR.

That's right, folks. It's the beginning of the end.

From observing my parents, I knew this day was coming. I know I'm lucky. Loads of people go grey way earlier than the ripe old age of 25 years, 10 months and 21 days. And let me just say I would be psyched, nay, double psyched to sport Rogue/Maria D'Ancanto streaks in the front.

Sadly, I could never be that cool. Or southern. My little grey hair is located in my right eyebrow.

Perhaps I'll take a cue from the NYTimes fashion blogs and start touting my newly found grey eyebrow as edgy.

Ed and Terry

2010-05-03T12:10:00.009-04:00

Can I just please state for the record that I don't quite think it is my fault that for most of my adult life I believed Ed Begley Jr. to be a stately African American actor? It's a fantastic name. And as much as (it turns out) I sort of adore the real, white, environmentalist Ed Begley Jr, I think his parents gave him the wrong name. (I think, also, it's to do with Lou Gosset Jr., if we're being honest.)

I have the same issue with Terrence McNally. I always envision him as the guy James Earl Jones plays in Field of Dreams.

Right?!

I maintain that this is not as odd as my aunt who mixes up Haagen-daas and Birkenstocks. Or a friend (she shall remain nameless) who confuses November and January.

in knots

2010-04-30T09:16:00.006-04:00

As summer looms I have been strangely turned on by knots.
Yes, knots.

I have never touched ocean waters. Yes, yes, I know. But this week all I can think about is how much I want to go SAILING. I have never been sailing. I have no close friends who sail. I would quit my job today if some one would offer to take me on a sailboat for the summer and teach me to tie really incredible knots.

Then I would be both a sailor and a genius at macrame.

Requisite picture of my favorite boatsman, Desmond:

britfolkpop

2010-04-29T12:13:00.005-04:00

Noah and the Whale have been prodding at my anglophilia for a while now.

Somehow I failed to realize that Laura Marling was the frazzled, sort of sad blonde that used to sing with them. Then my cool friends say, "Laura Marling is wonderful." And I say, "I have never heard of her." And then I fall in love with her beautiful Brit-folk crooning.

Do you ever do that? "Discover" something or someone only to realize you actually were first introduced long ago?

village in the city

2010-04-26T22:59:00.010-04:00

I am thankful that Mt. Pleasant has gone from this:

To this:

I am also thankful for my mother and her sweet ass camera that I convinced her to loan to me indefinitely. Canon made a damn good little camera back in '78 and thirty-two years later I am still using the hell out of it.

balloons!

2010-04-16T13:58:00.014-04:00

Look at the awesome craziness of Jason Hackenwerth. His work will be a part of the Oklahoma City Festival of the Arts line-up.

His pieces are both fantastical and a little bit terrifying at the same time. I have always been quietly afraid of the things that live beneath the sea. And of microscopically small organisms. These are like Godzilla versions of those things.

I really love the un-making of humans that happens with his balloon costume pieces.

Check out his blog, too.

girl crush

2010-04-13T23:07:00.005-04:00

I have been nurturing a big girl-crush on Florence Welch for the past few months. I would like her hair, please. And her overflowing vocals. And her articulate but off-the-cuff British accent.

This may be the first in my "hot ginger ladies who I want to be like" series.

May wedding

2010-04-11T23:45:00.009-04:00

If I have it my way I will be decked out in mulberry for an upcoming Texas wedding.

mullberry...

...dress by BCBG's Max and Cleo

I also have my eye on these Clark's.

And just like every Spring I am blindly and stupidly drawn to all things goldenrod, dandelion and daffodil. I really cannot wear yellow. It gives me a nice jaundiced hue. Nevertheless, I crave these:

... macrame hearts via amiramendick's Etsy shop.

I write the laws, I make the laws, I am the law.

2010-04-10T22:59:00.001-04:00

I have very special feelings for Josh Lyman, I mean, uh...Bradley Whitford.
Once, I and my rommate met and talked to Brad. He was fantastically good-natured and sweet. And he touched us on the shoulders! There may or may not have been tears. So, yeah, he has attained something akin to deity status around my television and my place of residence.

And he has a new show! Okay, so, the moustache is all wrong. And the show isn't an Aaron Sorkin vehicle. But somewhere, underneath the 'stache, Josh Lyman resides. Right?

I realize that I am of the age at which I should be more focused on the younger Mr. Hanks. But really, I could care less. Show me Josh Lyman, and the rest of the world fades away.

P.S. Apologies for the attractive male focused posting as of late. It must be Spring.

Who

2010-04-06T09:32:00.006-04:00

Look at what a fantastically beatnick little hipster the new Doctor is.

Despite my dedication to David Tennant, I think this is pretty great.

the younger Dylan

2010-04-05T11:40:00.005-04:00

Thinking back, I'm fairly certain Jakob Dylan was my first crush on an adult man. At age 12 I recall being shocked and embarassed that he was so old. Oh, but those eyes! So I kept my swooning to myself and subsequently destroyed Bringing Down the Horse from overplaying. Come to think of it my passion for that album may also have been the first sign that I posessed, somewhere deep inside, musical tastes of a higher caliber than Taylor Hanson.

And these days Neko Case's presence is a pretty solid sign I will love your album. Needless to say my heart is all aflutter.

Variation on Commemorative Transfiguration

2010-04-04T19:06:00.004-04:00

This morning at Easter service I knew the melody to one of the hymns we sung based solely on my familiarity with a certain Sufjan Stevns song.

I felt both embarassed and incredibly smug that I had learned something so obviously important through my obsessive osmosis of pop-culture, as opposed to the way I should have learned it. And I was totally sure that everyone could tell the tall girl in the back with the big metallic cuff only knows this song because some guy put it on a mix CD for her at the beginning of her musical education.

It was akin to the feeling I had when I found out that the really catchy "Come Together" song they used on the hip commercial for the flat screen wasn't written exclusively for the TV commercial...

Brooksie

2010-04-02T10:57:00.005-04:00

When I was younger I had a poster on each wall above my bed. Nancy Kerrigan on one side, Michel Jordan on the other. I was very serious about them. Caught as much of Nancy's skating as I could, and watched each and every Bulls game with my Dad. But somewhere along the way MJ retired, Nancy got her knee bashed in and I got very serious about Tiger Beat.

I never looked back. I haven't since had much interest in professional sports or athletes. Then I moved to DC.

Turns out hockey is kind of awesome. And it's even better when you're watching the pros and not the Oklahoma City Blazers. So, yes, I have become a closeted Washington Capitals fan. Dudes with lots of muscles skating super fast with really big sticks, slamming each other up against the wall and seriously throwing down several times a game. It was hot. Then this guy scored and they put his picture up on the big screen.

And it got a whole lot hotter.

I'm not going to say Brooks Laich is the reason I am now a Caps fan. But I think Brooks Laich is the reason I am now a Caps fan.

Dusky Hill

2010-04-01T14:10:00.006-04:00

I endured quite a bit of drama to get my hands on these puppies at the end of last season. But it was okay, because I am used to shoe drama. I do, afterall, have kayaks for feet.

Unfortunately they are desperately ravaged as I wore them almost daily August through mid-October. And when you have small boats at the end of your legs your boat covers tend to get a bit scuffed.

I just bought the same pair in grey. I have never doubled up on a shoe before. Does this mean I'm turning 65?

a take away show

2010-03-31T18:00:00.003-04:00

Dear Patrick Watson,
I spent a good chunk of time not logging in Income and Expense Reports this afternoon and instead figuring out how to expand the margins of my blog so as to post this video.

#97 Patrick Watson / Part 2 - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

I could spend hours on La Blogotheque. And I often do.

Her?

2010-03-31T14:30:00.004-04:00

I don't think I can be friends with anyone my age who, when a television-related "Tobias" reference is made, thinks it must be relating to James Van Der Beek's two episode stint on Criminal Minds.

I wish

2010-03-23T09:56:00.001-04:00

"Weird: The Al Yankovic Story" from Aaron Paul

grobanite

2010-03-07T00:34:00.012-05:00

If you knew me during the college years you're probably aware that I spent a large a portion of my 20th and 21st years thinking about this man.

Yep. (In hindsight I realize that any portion of time spent thinking about a celebrity who's path will never cross your own is too large a portion.) Along with my dear friend and partner in obsession, I traveled 3 and a half hours by bus to see him sing in Montreal. And I vividly remember wandering the beautiful city dreaming about what we'd say were we to randomly run into Josh buying a croissant in a little bakery, or strolling the streets documenting his travels. I remember the certainty that comes with consuming, girlish crushes that Josh would recognize in me a kindred spirit and appreciator of his music. And we, like he, were American. That would surely have made all the difference. (The following summer I traveled 3.5 hours again to see him perform in Dallas. That time he would have appreciated that I, like he, was a non-Texan.)

Five years later I have missed out on Josh's last few (two?) albums. Somewhere along the way my interest in classical pop fell off. I discovered Indie Rock and never looked back.
But I feel it is important to document the fact that I may be regressing. I have discovered @joshgroban on twitter. His tweets are inane and funny. Self-depricating. Sometimes they are politically and socially pertinent. He's 28 now, instead of 23, so he's really the pefect age for me. And, most importantly, these days he looks more like this!

Flannel. Glasses. Scruff. Appropriately-sized hypoallergenic dog on a leash.
Josh, I can honestly say I no longer have any interest in your music, but I think we should move into a charming little place in Fort Greene, buy some Dirty Projectors for our vinyl collection and join a co-op. Mkay?

Good Dick

2010-03-06T17:37:00.004-05:00

I've recently become quite a fan of Jason Ritter.
I think it mostly has to do with Good Dick. Hands down, it is one of my new favorite love story movies.

I fell in love with the experience of watching it. The whole thing felt intimate and every detail and choice cherished by the filmmakers. The kind of cherished-ness you usually feel during live theatre. After watching I found out that it was written and directed by Ritter's real life lady Marianna Palka and produced by the couple. Their commitment to the project as a piece of film is tangible.
Here's the trailer, but I think watching the trailer might ruin the experience of the movie. Instead go to Netflix right now and Watch Instantly. Right now.

pretty Plover

2010-03-04T11:49:00.008-05:00

Dear Plover Organic, HOW have I never realized how incredible you are?

It is so so pink. And yet, I have formed a mild obsession.

I can only assume that I've seen these gorgeous linens in magazines and blogs before, but that the beauty of the spreads distracted me for these amazing organic cotton prints.

Of course it was you, Gwyneth Paltrow who finally opened my eyes. I'm sure you have these in your guest room(house) and Jay-Z and Robert Downey Jr. surely swoon over the bright and cheery bedding you've chosen.

Bond-esque

2009-11-18T09:51:00.004-05:00

Apparently they're using super-sonic deer whistles now to fend off pirates.

The United States Navy Central Command said four suspected pirates in a skiff came within 300 yards of the Maersk Alabama at 6.30 a.m. Wednesday about 600 miles off the northeast coast of Somalia as it headed for the Kenyan port of Mombasa.

But a security team on board the Maersk Alabama responded with small-arms fire, long-range acoustical devices painful to the human ear and evasive maneuvers to thwart the attack, the navy said in a statement.

Awesome.

The Mystic

2009-11-16T09:24:00.000-05:00

I consider it a major victory when I can get my mother to admit that any art produced in the last 15 years is better, more accurate or even more original than something made when she was young. She is deeply biased about the awesomeness of her generation.

On a recent car trip when I finally got to control the music, unprompted, she said, "Wow. This is really good. I think it's even better than the Van Morrison."

Sacrilege, Mother! I don't know if I'd go that far.

But thanks, Glen Hansard, for being awesome and helping me score one of my first points.

en garde!

2009-10-28T09:23:00.007-04:00

Last week a teenaged boy chased me down the street. Only to then ask me where I got my umbrella. It was a little scary.

But the worst thing about this new umbrella is that I have to keep a very firm grip on my urge to challenge other unsuspecting umbrella carriers to a duel.

For the record: target.com.

I take solace in the fact

2009-10-05T20:53:00.003-04:00

I'll know there's no hope left when the day-laborers in front of 7-11, with their impossibly low standards, tire of me.
And that day is not yet here. Even on my worst, pony-tailed, hoodies and glasses outings.

Because I'm a Woman?

2009-09-18T13:56:00.007-04:00

Today during lunch in the conference room, where the more interesting and pleasant of my co-workers eat together almost daily, I let slip what I knew was an amusing remark. (note: I like to think every once in a while I can be trusted to have an amusing remark up my sleeve.)
I let it slip, and everyone laughed quite heartily, even more heartily than I expected. By now I can read this group of co-workers pretty well, but sometimes my inanity surprises even me.

But the remark itself was not the funniest part.
The funniest part was when a female co-worker, relatively new to the firm said, a bit surprised and impressed, amidst the laughter, "I think you said something funny the last time I ate lunch in here."

And that made me laugh out loud.

Expressing inappropriate emotion

2009-03-01T18:18:00.002-05:00

A woman got on to the train holding on tightly to 3 things: 1 naked torso and 2 arms belonging to an alabaster, female mannequin.

1. Why, in the full train car, did only one young professional and myself express any visible interest or amusement in this woman and her dismembered friend?

2. What happened to her head?

Gross.

2009-02-13T18:42:00.003-05:00

I got onto the bus after work today, the day before Valentine's Day, and it looked something like this:

Gross.

the perfect valentine obviously involves sleep

2009-02-12T23:32:00.003-05:00

They're like rats. That fly.

2009-02-04T00:01:00.004-05:00

I found myself in a kerfuffle of pigeons on the sidewalk the other day. I kept walking. I didn't shriek.

One even flapped me on the hand!

It was a momentous occasion.

Soon the pigeons and I will look like this.

oh, vocab

2009-01-28T00:06:00.002-05:00

My boss was confused, amused and then impressed today when I used the word "imbue" in a sentence.

I may be too well-educated to be working in retail.

flooded

2009-01-26T22:50:00.003-05:00

Do you know anyone incapable of using a washing machine without flooding their house?

No?

Now you do.

my 2009 workout obsession

2009-01-17T14:39:00.001-05:00

saturdays at noon, oklahoma and canada go bollywood.

Cheerios of the future

2009-01-14T21:15:00.004-05:00

These Cheerios are so tasty they cause people's mouths to move at a different rate than the words they're saying.

And look at that new-fangled box.

3rd date rule

2009-01-06T18:37:00.006-05:00

After a 3rd encounter in a friend group I maintain that it is well within social norms to go in for the hug. Particularly when the other party comes toward you with his or her arm out in the Pre-hug Position.

Do be warned however, that the Pre-hug Position bares striking resemblance to the beginnings of the Jovial Handshake.

And while the intentions of the Jovial Handshake and the hug may be identical, I warn the reader further that in the few seconds before contact is made (and recognition has dawned on one or both of the parties) the Pre-hug Position cannot be stealthily converted into the Jovial Handshake.

Unless your idea of stealth involves being smacked in the head while stepping on the other person's feet.

Words that keep popping up that I swear I'd never heard before.

2009-01-06T18:24:00.002-05:00

Knee-break.
Braggadocio.

To Resolve

2009-01-01T01:35:00.003-05:00

Turns out I am now old enough, and boring enough, to feel motivated to make New Year's Resolutions.

1. I will be more socially active. The Canadian and I have discussed making a weekly happy hour commitment. This goes hand in hand with my vow to attend more social events/get out more/ make an effort to engage new people. Which is why I went out and was awkward at a party tonight instead of remaining on the couch, watching When Harry Met Sally.

2. I will read more. No one would ever know I was an English major in college. Or that I have literary inclinations. Or that I have a brain. That's because at some point I stopped reading very much. But I think I have figured out the cause of my delinquency, and so I directed myself into a non-fiction kick, which I expect to continue. Not because I declare it so, but because I want it so.

3. I will blog more. Ooooh, how meta.

I'm Such an Ass

2008-12-11T21:42:00.004-05:00

Somehow, over the course of my life, I have become known as a frazzled, clumsy person.

It probably has something to do with having larger than average feet attached to the bottom of my legs. And the untamed nature of my locks. That is not to say I don't fall down a lot. I do. And break things. Not bones so much, as chairs and things of that nature.

Every time I find myself on the ground, or somehow awkwardly caught on a rogue tree branch, I have two thoughts, one after the other:
1) I'm such an ass. I really hope nobody saw that.
2) That was hilarious. I really hope somebody saw that.

Like most, I possess the basic human instinct to save face. And to refrain from appearing a total spaz.

However a mere retelling can never capture the rawness of my idiotic maneuvers. It never fails that I always hope some one out there got a first-hand look. (It may have something to do with that strange giddiness that comes with connecting, even briefly, to people you don't know.)

Even so, there are those rare events when a clumsy move goes unwitnessed. I usually say to myself, "I'm such an ass. Thank God no one saw that. I am never telling anyone about that."

Which lasts a whole 10 minutes.
I cannot help but divulge my own secrets, perpetuate my own stereotypes.

There is poetry in the time I got a straw stuck so far up my nose, my nose began to bleed; symmetry in walking onto Proctor Terrace with my skirt tucked into my underwear; awe in each stained blouse, simplicity in all the broken chairs and beauty in each and every wipe-out.

Are you okay?

2008-12-04T14:52:00.002-05:00

People rarely answer this question honestly.

That doesn't bother me at all, because I'm one of those people. And to be honest, I really hate that question. Okay-ness is relative and subjective and if you actually care about a person's state, there are more productive ways to get your answer.
But today I encountered a man who was definitely not okay.

I was standing at the bus stop after leaving the law firm where I work (have you noticed how the most interesting things in my life happen at the bus stop?). The law office is in Farragut, which is a primarily business district. This is relevant, as is the fact that I left the law office at 1pm.

So, there I am standing at the bus stop at 1:04ish on a Thursday afternoon. An older man 10 feet away is hailing a taxi. He is wearing a green sweater vest over a button up shirt, light chinos, a tie, and casual dress shoes of some sort, and wearing a navy baseball cap. He is leaning on the USA Today newspaper dispenser with his arm in the air.

I instinctively thought this was weird, "Dumb guy," I thought. "Step further out into the street. No cabs can see you there." There were cars parked, not between the man and the street, but in such a way that he couldn't see approaching traffic, and it definitely couldn't see him. I guess he realized this, too, and went to move further up the road, away from the parked cars.

Next thing I know, I see something falling out of the corner of my eye, and hear smack. I look down, and two feet away from me the guy has bit it into the curb. He is a mass of crumpled clothing and gray hair. He is face down, half on the sidewalk, half in the street. I immediately run over. All I can get out is, "Sir, are you okay?" I don't know if I can get him up on my own. Two pedestrians hurry over (one man) and ask the same questions. A female cyclist with a nose ring (who I recognize from the metro on Monday night), skids to a halt to help, too. We all notice that there are drops of blood on his hands. "Are you okay, sir? Sir? Can you get up?"

He pushes himself up a bit, to sitting. He is not as old as we are expecting. "Sir, can you get up?" His face is bloodier than we are expecting. He is swaying a bit. Gasping, looking confused, saying quietly, "Yes, I'm fine. I'm okay." Somehow I have his baseball cap in my hand. He is unaware of his dripping face. His glasses have cut him somewhere under the eye and the blood is bright red on the pavement. The bleeding man grabs the hands of the cyclist, while the two pedestrians grip him under the armpits. They have quite a time hoisting him up. Once on his feet he sways quite a bit, before a passing cabby wises up and sees the chance for a fare.

We put him in the cab. I teeter after him in vain saying, "Sir, your cap. Your hat, sir," and eventually just toss it in the cab on top of his knee and shut the door.

Despite his protestations, this man was not okay. His bloody face was proof enough for me. But then, I guess it's all relative.

"In your wildest fantasy you're in Hell? And you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil?"

2008-12-02T22:58:00.005-05:00

Apparently I have difficulty distinguishing between mentally handicapped and just plain drunk.

This became problematic recently when a strange man began talking to me at a bus stop. I usually avoid these kind of situations by simply using my headphones. But this particular evening I wanted to soak up the awesomeness and celebration that was everywhere on the streets of DC
He thought I looked "blue" and wanted to cheer me up. (Sidenote: I was in fact a bit blue, because it was just before midnight on November 5th, Barack Obama had just won the election, and I had spent the entire evening working my menial retail job instead of watching returns and celebrating with my friends.)
Anyway, I ignored him, thinking: "Crazy drunk man."

Then my kind and pure heart got the better of me and I thought, "Maybe he's not drunk. He's just trying to be nice. Maybe he's slow. What I thought was a drunken slur might actually be a speech impediment. He's fairly well-dressed. How harmful could he be?"

Needless to say he was just drunk. I think. And after being pressed mercilessly for information and asked for my phone number I made up the following lie.

My name is Sarah.
I go to GW. A sophomore, as it turns out.
Undeclared.
I work at a shoe store in Georgetown.

This was all "very impressive" to the slurring man.

Russians love Palin

2008-10-17T10:28:00.001-04:00

These guys are kind of genius.

I tend to pretend I know things

2008-10-08T17:18:00.005-04:00

I was waiting at a fairly empty metrobus station last night for a bus I had never taken, to go to a place I had never been. What the marquis on the bus that pulled up in front of stop 23A and opened its doors should have read was, "23A." Instead it read, "NOT IN SERVICE."

Clearly this was untrue.

However, I was nervous this was not my bus. I thought "Perhaps down here in Virginia, a young lady cannot trust her bussing instincts. What if this bus takes me to Anacostia? And what if I am then assaulted or someone pees on my pashmina? Or worse, what if I miss my audition? Then I'm screwed."

An affluent young Asian guy in a delightful sand-colored v-neck sweater asked me as we waited in the small queue to board the bus, "Is this 23A?"

I gave him a bored look through my glasses, glanced up at the sign, sighed the sigh of an experienced 23A rider and said, "Yeah." Duh.

Paul Newman

2008-09-27T12:54:00.013-04:00

In my social sphere it's not exactly acceptable to adhere to the mainstream preoccupation with celebrities and their lives. And, in truth, I have never liked the gossip rags, despite the fact that I enjoy being in the know. Hollywood gossip and scandal has developed a very ugly face.

But the lives of classy, talented, principled actors will always be fascinating to me.

Look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. They are lovely.

The Ethics of Sniffles

2008-09-23T15:17:00.004-04:00

Since my return to the real world post summer camp, I have also returned to the Temp world.

Today I am sitting at the front desk of a law-firm. Screening calls and transfering them. I get a kick of out doing it like they do it on TV: "Hi, I have Mr. Ficabush on the line."

I find a sense of ownership over the caller makes the whole thing more bearable.

And today a semi-ethical question is raised: Is it unethical for me to go to work, type on someone else's keyboard, sit in her chair, touch all the office doorhandles when I know I have a very contagious cold caught from the Canadian?

Currently I am only sneezing and coughing sporadically, so that I could potentially play the issue off as allergies if confronted. And I see disinfectant wipes in the corner that I plan on using before the evening receptionist arrives.

What responsibility do we have to the rest of the world to not give them our colds? Does it only apply to the subsect of the population with weak immune systems-- the elderly, infants and the impoverished? Furthermore, is my current impoverished state drastic enough to justify going into work sick just to make a fraction of my October rent?

I think it is.

I have an eagerly awaited houseguest due in tomorrow. Even though I want my friend here, do I have some stupid responsibility to tell any and all parties who will be living in close proximity to me for 2.5 days that I'm coming down with something? And risk the houseguest finding another house to guest in?

Boy, what an ethically charged issue. Phew.

Lemmings and Liars

2008-09-18T22:03:00.004-04:00

Know who's kind of a liar? Jim Inhofe.

However, let me just say: Ace TV ad, Oklahoma Democrats.
Ace.

"He who desires, but acts not, breeds pestilence."

2008-09-14T22:07:00.010-04:00

I lie about the things I want.

The jobs/roles I want. The fellas I'm attracted to. The things I desire in life.

The things I want to eat.

Sometimes I lie about wanting things because I know that thing is bad for me. (funnel cake, chimichanga, deep fried twinkie*, etc.)

Sometimes I lie about wanting things because wanting in and of itself seems weak. (Something about a tricycle, a halibut and a woman not needing either of them.)

Sometimes I lie about wanting a thing because I want that thing so much that an honest demonstration would be akin to Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and the infamous sofa incident. And nobody wants to see that.

*Disclaimer: I have never eaten (nor particularly wanted to eat) a deep fried twinkie. But now I sorta do.

I want to be a kid again

2008-07-23T22:43:00.004-04:00

I'm currently at theatre camp. Writing this from my bunk, while the girls toss and turn, and technically I have only 5 minutes left of "flashlight time," if I'm being totally honest. But I'll go far beyond that.

My favorite FAVORITE thing about camp is how much the campers adore each other. A handful of them have known each other for upwards of 5 years, camp is where their souls live, where they are totally safe. They are both encouraged and independently moved to support one another and build each other up, and they do it very well.

Tonight the plays were cast. That's a tough night. People are ecstatic, crushed and on the edge of something new. But these kids love each other. The people they've known for 1-6 years. The people they've known for 3 days. Tonight I watched a camper whose 5th summer this is, who may or may not be excited about his part, I couldn't tell, I watched him put his arm around a first time camper, congratulate him on his part, tousle his hair, and say, "I'm so proud of you, man," before bear hugging the new kid.

I love it here. Where else in the world do you find people so devoted to each other and what they're doing that they can find in their hearts that kind of love in a matter of days? Young people have a natural gift for it. These kids have naturally open and honest hearts.

Several times a day I think, "I wish I was a camper."

Charm School

2008-06-24T15:48:00.004-04:00

I'm kind of a charmer.
Really.
I'm an acquired taste-- "Like sushi," says the Canadian. Or dark chocolate, perhaps? Instead of raw fish?

We've determined that it takes me a while to get to know people and it takes people a while to warm up to me. But something I've learned, and have become more forthcoming about is that when I put my mind to it, I have the manipulative skills to get anyone I want to to really really like me. A lot. Seriously.

I have used this skill many times throughout my life. As a child, teachers fought over who would get me in their class. And once I set my sights on someone who I want to like me, it usually only takes a few weeks to accomplish my goal. It's manipulative, sure, I guess. But it comes from a very real desire on my part to get to know someone and be close to a person who I think is wonderful. So in the end we've both gotten what we want. Or, what we think we want.

So when I (and this doesn't happen often, although it's occurring more and more recently) come across a person who is so clearly indifferent to me, someone who, even after a handful of meetings in which I've turned on the requisite charm and the pizazz, seems as disengaged as on Day 1, I get even more intrigued.

My, oh, my, what is it that makes these people so incredibly fantastic, unique and intelligent that they can see through my witticisms, self-deprecation and sparkly silences?!

And then I get mildly needy.

Like me. Please. LIKE ME.